Mark Planamente
NormThe "Untouchables"
March 11th 2009 23:44
Melbourne, the self-proclaimed sporting capital of the world, has a lot to answer for. You would never think, looking from the outside, that Melbourne is so socially stratified. Instead you would assume that, like all other Australian cities, Melbourne is an egalitarian paradise where all people are offered the same basic human rights and respect.
Enter the footballer. A relatively new phenomenon - circa the late 19th century - the footballer has taken over society as its most worshiped and revered member. The footballer is a different kind of "Untouchable". Not Untouchable in the way that Arundhati Roy described India's society - an abhorrent caste system based on inherent social perceptions - but Untouchable in the sense that they enjoy a symbiotic relationship with the public.
Arundhati Roy - the greatest female footy writer since Caz Wilson...
And so it is: man < government < Footballer; government x man = Footballer; or Footballer/government = man. SportingMind recently experienced this relative equation in all its undeniable glory. You see, SportingMind has an injury that, ironically, was attained during an Aussie Rules match about 18 months ago. Having an injury for that period of time can introduce one to all manner of incompetent practitioners and, in knowing this, I wanted to see only the best. Just as the Queen's Doctor is the most highly sought-after G.P. in Britain, an A.F.L. physio is the cream of Australia's colonial crop.
Four cancellations later - apparently Nick Riewoldt's knee is a far more precious commodity than my mere civilian groin - my physio was free to see me. Yet, in many ways, he wasn't. Upon reaching the physio reception I was informed that this sporting stooge had to cancel all his appointments for the day to help some fringe-A.F.L. player get rid of a "niggle". To my chagrin, I was switched - without my consent - to a completely different physio, at a completely different time. An apologetic receptionist explained: "that's just what he does. Footy always takes priority for him." Disgusted, I limped out of the office and into my car, determined to escape the intimidating Prahran peak-hour traffic and recover some last vestige of self-esteem.
Tempting as it is to blatantly "out" this physio, it is but one example of class discrimination in Melbourne society. The media remains subservient to all stories involving footballers, including: drug problems, sexual misdemeanours, sightings at restaurants, or even their club imposed charity obligations. For a laugh, I read the Herald Sun on Sunday, to find that the first seven pages all included some form of overt/covert A.F.L. reference. Page One was a "plea" to get an old footy legend, Lou Richards, into the Hall of Fame; Page Three -whilst the story was focused on underworld crime - inexplicably showed Victorian Police boss Simon Overland in a Hawthorn guernsey. Of course, one cannot blame the editors of the Sun for giving the people what they want: Football - and copious amounts of it.
So next time you are weaving together a banner to hold aloft at the M.C.G. - perhaps some sort of "Buddy" Franklin pun - remember that the Footballer will effortlessly cut in front of you at the cafe. He'll get his groin fixed by a surgeon before the envelope containing your referral has even been licked by your G.P., and, he'll get away with a sex attack you could only dream of.
They are the Untouchables.
-SportingMind.
Enter the footballer. A relatively new phenomenon - circa the late 19th century - the footballer has taken over society as its most worshiped and revered member. The footballer is a different kind of "Untouchable". Not Untouchable in the way that Arundhati Roy described India's society - an abhorrent caste system based on inherent social perceptions - but Untouchable in the sense that they enjoy a symbiotic relationship with the public.
Arundhati Roy - the greatest female footy writer since Caz Wilson...
And so it is: man < government < Footballer; government x man = Footballer; or Footballer/government = man. SportingMind recently experienced this relative equation in all its undeniable glory. You see, SportingMind has an injury that, ironically, was attained during an Aussie Rules match about 18 months ago. Having an injury for that period of time can introduce one to all manner of incompetent practitioners and, in knowing this, I wanted to see only the best. Just as the Queen's Doctor is the most highly sought-after G.P. in Britain, an A.F.L. physio is the cream of Australia's colonial crop.
Four cancellations later - apparently Nick Riewoldt's knee is a far more precious commodity than my mere civilian groin - my physio was free to see me. Yet, in many ways, he wasn't. Upon reaching the physio reception I was informed that this sporting stooge had to cancel all his appointments for the day to help some fringe-A.F.L. player get rid of a "niggle". To my chagrin, I was switched - without my consent - to a completely different physio, at a completely different time. An apologetic receptionist explained: "that's just what he does. Footy always takes priority for him." Disgusted, I limped out of the office and into my car, determined to escape the intimidating Prahran peak-hour traffic and recover some last vestige of self-esteem.
Riewoldt - god forbid he have a "niggle".
Tempting as it is to blatantly "out" this physio, it is but one example of class discrimination in Melbourne society. The media remains subservient to all stories involving footballers, including: drug problems, sexual misdemeanours, sightings at restaurants, or even their club imposed charity obligations. For a laugh, I read the Herald Sun on Sunday, to find that the first seven pages all included some form of overt/covert A.F.L. reference. Page One was a "plea" to get an old footy legend, Lou Richards, into the Hall of Fame; Page Three -whilst the story was focused on underworld crime - inexplicably showed Victorian Police boss Simon Overland in a Hawthorn guernsey. Of course, one cannot blame the editors of the Sun for giving the people what they want: Football - and copious amounts of it.
So next time you are weaving together a banner to hold aloft at the M.C.G. - perhaps some sort of "Buddy" Franklin pun - remember that the Footballer will effortlessly cut in front of you at the cafe. He'll get his groin fixed by a surgeon before the envelope containing your referral has even been licked by your G.P., and, he'll get away with a sex attack you could only dream of.
They are the Untouchables.
-SportingMind.
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Even Steve Waugh's groins had to wait in line after Paul Roos pulled a face muscle. His mouth needed over one hundred stitches. It came as some relief.
Underlying this comment is a deep regard for this post. Not sure if the papers would have it. They should.
Comment by David Edwards
Funny, too, that to support a team is to "barrack". I had never really understood that verb until I moved here. In Sydney you just "go", apathetically, for a team. When that team starts to lose you just stop watching - or wait until it becomes fashionable again to do so.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I think your viewpoint has merit. Abundant.
In the end, the Mexican code is about emotional investment. Something like the fever of the gold-rush?
League is all out war. From where I'm sitting.