David EdwardsThe Pre-Game Rugby League Hype-Up!!
October 3rd 2008 04:34
Hype yourselves up right now, SportingMind readers, for the "GF" is here...
We've all been through this process so many times. The process of amping up one game of the year, as if it is going to be any different to any other given game. As an act of petulance, SportingMind will offer a primer to the pre-match commentary, rather than an actual pre-game analysis.
1) Paul Vautin will display an unprecedented level of bias towards Manly, reiterating to the viewer that he is, (while incredibly lovable) in fact, perhaps the least credible rugby league analyst in the game.
2) The file footage of Paul Harragon and John Hopoate squaring up will be shown, in fact i would bet my house on it. A big call, especially in light of the financial recession, but i think that it's as safe as houses - or least as safe as houses used to be.
3) Channel Nine producers will compile yet another "biggest hits of the year" montage, most likely with an "Offspring" song playing over the top. Unbeknownst to viewers, this is the same file footage that has been playing for the last 15 years. The producers simply update the song once every year or two to stop any viewers from realising this charade.
4) Kenny Sutcliffe will anchor the coverage as he tends to get this gig every year, benefiting from the fact he is a knock-around good bloke who doesn't leave his fellow panelists looking too unintelligent. More wooden than a John Holmes flick, Kenny makes up for it with a shiny brown veneer that my front verandah would be envious of, and dark, beady eyes that scream integrity. A Kenny Sutcliffe grand final primer is like nothing on earth; this male model from Mudgee makes my knees weak. Go Kenny!!
5) SportingMind is unsure of which entertainer has earned the privilege of singing Advance Australia Fair on Sunday, although we can all thank fuck that John Williamson doesn't like league. Imagine him, strumming his Maton gently, cajoling us all into a warm and fuzzy rendition of Waltzing Matilda. I'm pretty sure the Living End have got a pre-match gig lined up, although i wouldn't count out a late decision by the NRL to go with the tried and tested Vanessa Amorosi, with her gay anthem "Absolutely Everybody". Always a winner at any sporting event.
6) A half-hour homage dedication to the life and times of Beaver Menzies. Also look for Ray Warren to focus strongly on where certain players grew up, and what their fathers' did for a living. I.e. "Andrew Johns - the son of a Cessnock miner", etc...
As for the game? Melbourne by 14. Cooper Cronk will get the Clive Churchill Medal... because he's a half-back.
-SportingMind
We've all been through this process so many times. The process of amping up one game of the year, as if it is going to be any different to any other given game. As an act of petulance, SportingMind will offer a primer to the pre-match commentary, rather than an actual pre-game analysis.
1) Paul Vautin will display an unprecedented level of bias towards Manly, reiterating to the viewer that he is, (while incredibly lovable) in fact, perhaps the least credible rugby league analyst in the game.
2) The file footage of Paul Harragon and John Hopoate squaring up will be shown, in fact i would bet my house on it. A big call, especially in light of the financial recession, but i think that it's as safe as houses - or least as safe as houses used to be.
Recently voted the most over-used image in rugby league history..
3) Channel Nine producers will compile yet another "biggest hits of the year" montage, most likely with an "Offspring" song playing over the top. Unbeknownst to viewers, this is the same file footage that has been playing for the last 15 years. The producers simply update the song once every year or two to stop any viewers from realising this charade.
4) Kenny Sutcliffe will anchor the coverage as he tends to get this gig every year, benefiting from the fact he is a knock-around good bloke who doesn't leave his fellow panelists looking too unintelligent. More wooden than a John Holmes flick, Kenny makes up for it with a shiny brown veneer that my front verandah would be envious of, and dark, beady eyes that scream integrity. A Kenny Sutcliffe grand final primer is like nothing on earth; this male model from Mudgee makes my knees weak. Go Kenny!!
This dulux-painted verandah has the same beautiful brown tone as Kenny's skin..
5) SportingMind is unsure of which entertainer has earned the privilege of singing Advance Australia Fair on Sunday, although we can all thank fuck that John Williamson doesn't like league. Imagine him, strumming his Maton gently, cajoling us all into a warm and fuzzy rendition of Waltzing Matilda. I'm pretty sure the Living End have got a pre-match gig lined up, although i wouldn't count out a late decision by the NRL to go with the tried and tested Vanessa Amorosi, with her gay anthem "Absolutely Everybody". Always a winner at any sporting event.
Vanessa Amorosi - available for sporting events and gay functions by booking only
6) A half-hour homage dedication to the life and times of Beaver Menzies. Also look for Ray Warren to focus strongly on where certain players grew up, and what their fathers' did for a living. I.e. "Andrew Johns - the son of a Cessnock miner", etc...
As for the game? Melbourne by 14. Cooper Cronk will get the Clive Churchill Medal... because he's a half-back.
-SportingMind
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