David Edwards"Roy" - an Unofficial Biography
September 2nd 2008 02:51
Just let Andrew Symonds be. There, i said it. Phew.
Roy, as he is known to all of us - so familiar the public has become with the nicknames of Australian cricketers - has been told to get psychological help, overseen by Cricket Australia medical staff, so that he can get his head together and continue to belt thousands of runs against hapless sub-Continential players.
SportingMind suggests firstly that Roy abolishes this ridiculous nickname, and reverts instead back to his given name, Andrew. Just as another well-known Andrew (Andrew Johns) has written about, being perceived as "Joey" gave him an alias that was indeed separate to Andrew Johns. As illustrated in his fabulous autobiography "The Two of Me", Johns documented the troubles he has had in separating Andrew from Joey, which, coupled with the bipolar disorder he suffers, led to an identity crisis. "Joey" would drink heavily, have massive nights in Kings Cross on "zingers", and generally serve as antithetical to "Andrew Johns", who was/is a humble family man with a shy streak.
I was commissioned to write an exclusive autobiography detailing the life and times of Roy, things were progressing smoothly, until Roy's agent (Khoder Nasser) requested that he pull out of the deal. Left unsure of what to do, i decided to progress with a unauthorised biography, in the vein of a Paul Barry biography. Substituting fact for lurid details, quotes from "friends", etc.
Bound by privacy laws, i can only say so much - as i have heard that Roy's enigmatic strokeplay is matched only by his thirst for litigation. Cracking Roy open was more difficult than an uncooperative pistachio nut (you know the ones - almost completely closed over), as he is one of those strong, silent types. A tough exterior, displaying little emotion, a typical Aussie male. But inside that hard nut lay an interior as soft as a Caramello Koala, and twice as delicious.
A couple of Excerpts:
"Roy spoke of his childhood with reverent nostalgia, referencing long, lazy afternoon spent fishing and surfing with his father. The weeks were spent playing rugby league and cricket, school was certainly not a priority - but the young Roy actually had unlimited potential, according to his 4th grade teacher, Mr Eugene Libowitz. His 4th grade report card read as such:
"Roy (as we have been instructed to refer to him as) has great potential, but he seems to be influenced too much by those around him. He has what you would call a "larrikin streak". Regardless, Roy has great potential and could benefit from external tutoring. I see a great career ahead of Roy, perhaps in the financial sector - where he has the apititude and charisma to possibly head one of the larger accounting firms in Australia."
Speaking to Roy's first cricket coach; Allan Stevenson, it was plain to see that Roy was a one in a million player.
"It was i that gave him the nickname Roy, due to the fact that i thought he resembled NBL player Leroy Loggins. Some people think he is called Roy because he used to listen to a lot of Roy Orbison, but that is in fact incorrect. But anyway, he certainly looked like he was going to be some kinda player. Yes, he was head and shoulders above the rest, a real talent."
One could see that this young man had stunning potential. If only he could harness the energy correctly. That remained to be seen...."
I will be revealing numerous exerpts from my upcoming biography, with the working title; "Roy, an All-Rounder from Down Under". I considered going with "Roy: Hook, Line and Sinker", but i'm still not sold on that title. Included are revealing quotes from his team-mates, including Tugga, Pigeon, Pup, Lang, Junior, Pistol, Dizzy, Flem, Binga and Shane Watson.
If anybody has any better ideas for the title of my upcoming biography, please leave a comment - the feedback would be greatly appreciated. Any fishing pun would be most well received. After all, the book aims to pay homage to the flawed but phenomenal talent - Andrew Roy Symonds.
-SportingMind
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Comment by Anonymous
Roy: Catch of the Day
Roy: Hooked on Hooks
Roy: Go Fish
Roy: Hook, Line and Stinker
Roy: The One That Got Away
Roy: Tactics and Tackle
Comment by David Edwards
Sporting Mind
Roy: Taking the Bait
Roy: Fishing outside off-stump
Roy: "I like to fish heaps".