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NormNRL Takes Immediate Action on Sexual Assault
September 16th 2008 03:36
Recent sexual assault allegations by a 24 year old Queensland woman against three Brisbane Broncos players has sparked an immediate response by the NRL, with a new clause being inserted into every NRL player's contract effective immediately.
The subsequent clause, imaginately dubbed "Dunny-gate" by sections of the media, requires that all NRL players refrain from using public toilets, with any breach resulting in immediate termination of contract.
NRL CEO David Gallop made mention of the clause today in a press conference, stating:
"It's a good thing. NRL players can't use public toilets, the intended purpose obviously is to attempt to cut down the number of sexual assaults that occur on a weekly basis. By imposing a zero-tolerance approach to players in public toilets, we believe sexual assaults will drop dramatically - from the current statistic of 60 per year to perhaps 45, even 40."
NRL Players Association chairman Matthew Rodwell had no problem with the new clause, throwing his support behind it wholeheartedly:
"Some would see this as a breach of human rights - not allowing footballers to urinate in public toilets, but we are aware of the recent track record and therefore endorse the recent constitutional changes."
The new clause comes as a result of recent tumultuous times for NRL players in public toilets, extending back as far as last year where Sonny Bill Williams was caught on a camera phone in a undeniably compromising position with Ironwoman Candice Falzon. This year Todd Carney was stood-down by the Canberra Raiders for his public urination on a nightclub patron in the men's toilets, and police enquiries are still ongoing as to last weekend's incident in Brisbane.
The NRL has officially lobbied the Federal Government to create a state-wide urinal policy, in which in addition to the traditional men's and women's nightclub toilets there will be a separate NRL Trough, in which NRL players are free to urinate on/assault each other to their hearts desires. The proposal has been seen as a win-win situation in which players will be not only safely isolated from the public, but free to indulge in whatever homoerotic fantasies they wish to orchestrate on each other, free from the prying public eye.
There has been some resistance to this clause however. One player who asked to remain unnamed, has spoken of his unhappiness over the new NRL clause;
"There's just something about having sex in a public toilet. I don;t even have sex at home anymore, actually. As a matter of fact, my missus and i met in the men's room at Sapphire Lounge, so to see this clause come into play not only breaches the average player's human rights, but it'll also take the spark out of my relationship."
The NRL has gone to great lengths to stress that the underlying problem is a toilet ettiquette culture, not a binge drinking culture, that is leading to this rapid increase in public toilet assaults. Taxpayer funded classes will commence as early as next January in order to re-educate players about the proper way to behave in a public toilet.
-SportingMind
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