Mark Planamente
NormNorm's Proposal for Scissors Paper Rock to be an Olympic sport meets resistance...
October 31st 2008 00:39
An unexpected vitrolic backlash from white-collar workers has come in repsonse to the announcement that Rock Paper Scissors is to be an Olympic sport in 2012.
Morgan Worthington, spokesman for Opaque recruitment agency, labelled the move as an indictment on appropriate office behaviour:
"I think it's inexcusable that a bastardised pisstake of office life be exploited on the international stage", Worthington said, flecks of spit shooting from his mouth like sniper shots.
"Its not even indicative of real office behaviour. No one brings a rock into the office. Bonzai plants maybe, but certainly not a rock."
International watchdog, SportingMind, has offered a more palatable version of the game: Man - Paper - Paper-Clip. SportingMind, all hubris and nothing else, muttered, "The game needs to be changed so as to appear relevant. My game theory, which i have already posted on Norm's website but now reiterate for the benefit of the international media, is flawless."
SportingMind's Game Theory:
Paper-clip beats paper (the simple act of collating multiple papers together constitutes a victory to the 'clip)
Paper-Clip loses to man (man can easily bend a paper clip, ergo a victory to man)
Man beats Paper-Clip
Man loses to Paper (this is because Man is a slave to important documents, they ultmately hold more worth than Man)
Paper beats Man
Paper loses to Paper-Clip
The new game of Man - Paper - Paper-Clip has already been tested out in focus groups world-wide, with the general consensus being that it is far more appropriate to have three stationery items competing against each other than to have a random "rock" thrown in the mix.
Bradley Ng, a focus-group particpant, was enamoured with the new version of the classic game.
"I loved it!! So much more appropriate. Man vs stationery, who'd have guessed? But that's what it's like in the office. I too, am a slave to paper work. My only qualm is that it's hard to make the appropriate hand gestures for "Man" and "Paper-Clip". The Paper-Clip action i have been using my thumb and index finger to create a circular shape, with the middle finger doing the same thing - connecting to the index finger below."
Ng has found a way to replicate the "Man" symbol, saying, "Focus groups have been unclear on this aspect, however, i find it is best to just whip out your private parts and cup them in your hand. It does require some practice, as one can see the hand move towards the region quite early, giving the opponent a chance to premediate this and counter with a "Paper" symbol."
The game is being played by soldiers serving overseas, with the real chance that it might replace "Two-Up" in pubs on Anzac Day in the near future.
-SportingMind
Morgan Worthington, spokesman for Opaque recruitment agency, labelled the move as an indictment on appropriate office behaviour:
"I think it's inexcusable that a bastardised pisstake of office life be exploited on the international stage", Worthington said, flecks of spit shooting from his mouth like sniper shots.
"Its not even indicative of real office behaviour. No one brings a rock into the office. Bonzai plants maybe, but certainly not a rock."
An untrue depiction of office stationery use..
International watchdog, SportingMind, has offered a more palatable version of the game: Man - Paper - Paper-Clip. SportingMind, all hubris and nothing else, muttered, "The game needs to be changed so as to appear relevant. My game theory, which i have already posted on Norm's website but now reiterate for the benefit of the international media, is flawless."
SportingMind's Game Theory:
Paper-clip beats paper (the simple act of collating multiple papers together constitutes a victory to the 'clip)
Paper-Clip loses to man (man can easily bend a paper clip, ergo a victory to man)
Man beats Paper-Clip
Man loses to Paper (this is because Man is a slave to important documents, they ultmately hold more worth than Man)
Paper beats Man
Paper loses to Paper-Clip
The two great adversaries: Paper-Clip and Man..
The new game of Man - Paper - Paper-Clip has already been tested out in focus groups world-wide, with the general consensus being that it is far more appropriate to have three stationery items competing against each other than to have a random "rock" thrown in the mix.
Bradley Ng, a focus-group particpant, was enamoured with the new version of the classic game.
"I loved it!! So much more appropriate. Man vs stationery, who'd have guessed? But that's what it's like in the office. I too, am a slave to paper work. My only qualm is that it's hard to make the appropriate hand gestures for "Man" and "Paper-Clip". The Paper-Clip action i have been using my thumb and index finger to create a circular shape, with the middle finger doing the same thing - connecting to the index finger below."
Paper beats man...again.
Ng has found a way to replicate the "Man" symbol, saying, "Focus groups have been unclear on this aspect, however, i find it is best to just whip out your private parts and cup them in your hand. It does require some practice, as one can see the hand move towards the region quite early, giving the opponent a chance to premediate this and counter with a "Paper" symbol."
The game is being played by soldiers serving overseas, with the real chance that it might replace "Two-Up" in pubs on Anzac Day in the near future.
-SportingMind
| 55 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Documents holding more worth than Man?
That couldn't be truer, Sport.
Bonzai plants, maybe? And yet a fourth hand-signal just entered the fray. But what does it beat and what beats it? It beats catching flies with chospticks and is beaten by scissors or a lack of a watering system.
"I knew this thing would blow up in my face but I just didn't think it would be so funny."
Barry Hobbes, Dental Gas-cannister replacement officer
Comment by Janet Collins
Acceptable Etiquette
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Comment by David Edwards
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by David Edwards
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by David Edwards
Two male traditionalists have been jailed for indecent exposure during an outdoor Man-Event. The two competitors both drew a "Man-Man" configuration, leading to their arrest and subsequent jail-term.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power