David EdwardsLleyton, Keith Urban, Watto and their muses.
June 30th 2008 02:19
Firstly SportingMind must confess to not watching one IOTA of sport this weekend, which certainly does not bode well for the remainder of this blog. So consumed i have been with the political turmoil that we, as Sydneysiders, have found ourselves embedded in, along with such sad stories circulating in the media this week - including the passing of Jane MacGrath, that for SportingMind - sport has taken a backseat to the realities of existence.
Crusing the SMH website, with sport very far down the scroll bar on this particular webpage, i was instead confronted with a barrage of nonsensical "headlines". For example, the leading headline for 11 a.m., Monday morning, is; "Kidman to listen to Hubby's songs whilst giving birth". While there is no doubting that the silky haired "Urbahn" (sic), who seamlessly altered his Germanic last name to the more commercially friendly Urban some years ago, does have his place in the U.S. Country music market, one can't help but wonder whether he is aiming to exploit yet another music niche - that being "Birth Music", music to give birth to. Just like Enya was once music to meditate to, perhaps maternity wards across the globe will begin to track-list Keith Urban as a way of inducing heavily dilating women, thus relieving cervixes across the globe. In fact its a shame that gravel voiced Barry White died a few years ago, because SportingMind would have proposed a joint tour - Barry White and Keith Urban touring together. Music to concieve to (White), and music to give birth to (Urban). Not sure who would fill the second act on the bill, but i'll go with Russell Crowe - in attempting an unconvincing segue back to sport in general. Although i am aware that his 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts band could unintentionally cause a miscarriage though its improper use of melody.
Speaking of miscarriages, the promising but flawed embryo of Australian cricket (Shane Watson) scored a maiden ODI Century for Australia yesterday against the West Indies, clubbing 126 at better than a run a ball to set up victory for Australia in the third ODI in the 5 match series. Australia has already wrapped up the series, leading 3-0, and the promising performances of Watson and Marsh are promising signs for the rebuilding Australians. SportingMind is one of the first to eagerly throw their hand up to raise questions about "Watto", as he is popularly known - but if he stays injury free then he could be a good opening prospect along with Marsh in the long term. Nonetheless i will still pine for the days of the 1990s, when players such as Paul "Blocker" Wilson and Adam "Chippa" Dale would get a guernsey for Australia. Such men wouldn't dream of adding frosted tips to their blonde, flowing hair. However i digress habitually, and this is again one of those occasions.
Staying on the SMH website, and it seems l'il Lleyton has another bun in the "oven", the oven being his wife - Bec Hewitt. SportingMind eagerly anticipates Lleyton's triumphant return to a women's magazine near you, and awaits the obligatory quotes from Hewitt re: fatherhood and how it has impacted on his tennis. Speaking personally, Lleyton's career slump did coincide with his domestic bliss, so as a hardened, uncompromising, win-at-all-costs Australian sport afficionado , i say "dump the kids", dunp the missus, and shack back up with the georgeous Kim Clijsters. Lleyton played his best tennis during those days of discrete locker-room trysts with Clijsters, presumably enjoying some pre-centre court warm-ups of their own before having the "official" on-court warm-up with the opposition player in the form of a quick rally.
Face it Lleyton. Clijsters is your Muse, in the same way that Patty Boyd was the muse of Clapton/George Harrison, even Yoko to Lennon. She broke up your doubles aspirations and forced you to focus on your singles game. While i'm sure Wayne Arthurs doesn't harbour the same resentment as Paul MacCartney did to Lennon, the doubles team of Arthurs/Hewitt can hardly be likened to the success of "The Beatles". But would Lennon have released "Imagine" without the inspiration of Ono? Let's ponder that one for a moment..
Shifting again, is Hewitt's daughter Mia his muse, in the same way that Greek God Zeus's 9 daughters were his "muses"? In Zeus's case (to take two daughters for example), Euterpe was the inspiration of lyric poetry, Urania was the inspiration of astronomy. In Lleyton's case, is Mia the inspiration for French Open glory? Perhaps this is Hewitt's intention, to have 9 daughters (like Zeus) did, each one of them serving as a muse for success at separate tournaments. In that case to complete a grand slam he would only need to procreate a further 2 times (not including this latest development). This is possible, but a big ask on Bec Hewitt. However if she is a real Aussie, she'll do it.
Apologies to Lleyton for the rant, but SportingMind is starving, salivating for bona-fide tennis success. The barren tennis trophy cabinet sitting at Tennis H.Q under the watchful eye of the moustachioed "Newk" has been collecting dust ever since Pat Rafter retired. Can i be blamed for imploring victory?
Don't even know if Lleyton is still in the tournament or not at Wimbledon, in fact haven't even checked. Of course Lleyton can be congratulated for again bcoming a father, which is rapidly promoting his image as a family man ahead of his previous image - that of an angry teenager with a dirty pony-tail. But Lleyton needs to do a lot more than impregnate his lover the way Zeus once did, because little offspring don't breed success.
Bring back Kimmmmmy Clijsters. Who'd have thought i'd be saying that? You won't find her on the cover of Women's Weekly.
-SportingMind
Crusing the SMH website, with sport very far down the scroll bar on this particular webpage, i was instead confronted with a barrage of nonsensical "headlines". For example, the leading headline for 11 a.m., Monday morning, is; "Kidman to listen to Hubby's songs whilst giving birth". While there is no doubting that the silky haired "Urbahn" (sic), who seamlessly altered his Germanic last name to the more commercially friendly Urban some years ago, does have his place in the U.S. Country music market, one can't help but wonder whether he is aiming to exploit yet another music niche - that being "Birth Music", music to give birth to. Just like Enya was once music to meditate to, perhaps maternity wards across the globe will begin to track-list Keith Urban as a way of inducing heavily dilating women, thus relieving cervixes across the globe. In fact its a shame that gravel voiced Barry White died a few years ago, because SportingMind would have proposed a joint tour - Barry White and Keith Urban touring together. Music to concieve to (White), and music to give birth to (Urban). Not sure who would fill the second act on the bill, but i'll go with Russell Crowe - in attempting an unconvincing segue back to sport in general. Although i am aware that his 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts band could unintentionally cause a miscarriage though its improper use of melody.
Speaking of miscarriages, the promising but flawed embryo of Australian cricket (Shane Watson) scored a maiden ODI Century for Australia yesterday against the West Indies, clubbing 126 at better than a run a ball to set up victory for Australia in the third ODI in the 5 match series. Australia has already wrapped up the series, leading 3-0, and the promising performances of Watson and Marsh are promising signs for the rebuilding Australians. SportingMind is one of the first to eagerly throw their hand up to raise questions about "Watto", as he is popularly known - but if he stays injury free then he could be a good opening prospect along with Marsh in the long term. Nonetheless i will still pine for the days of the 1990s, when players such as Paul "Blocker" Wilson and Adam "Chippa" Dale would get a guernsey for Australia. Such men wouldn't dream of adding frosted tips to their blonde, flowing hair. However i digress habitually, and this is again one of those occasions.
Staying on the SMH website, and it seems l'il Lleyton has another bun in the "oven", the oven being his wife - Bec Hewitt. SportingMind eagerly anticipates Lleyton's triumphant return to a women's magazine near you, and awaits the obligatory quotes from Hewitt re: fatherhood and how it has impacted on his tennis. Speaking personally, Lleyton's career slump did coincide with his domestic bliss, so as a hardened, uncompromising, win-at-all-costs Australian sport afficionado , i say "dump the kids", dunp the missus, and shack back up with the georgeous Kim Clijsters. Lleyton played his best tennis during those days of discrete locker-room trysts with Clijsters, presumably enjoying some pre-centre court warm-ups of their own before having the "official" on-court warm-up with the opposition player in the form of a quick rally.
Face it Lleyton. Clijsters is your Muse, in the same way that Patty Boyd was the muse of Clapton/George Harrison, even Yoko to Lennon. She broke up your doubles aspirations and forced you to focus on your singles game. While i'm sure Wayne Arthurs doesn't harbour the same resentment as Paul MacCartney did to Lennon, the doubles team of Arthurs/Hewitt can hardly be likened to the success of "The Beatles". But would Lennon have released "Imagine" without the inspiration of Ono? Let's ponder that one for a moment..
Shifting again, is Hewitt's daughter Mia his muse, in the same way that Greek God Zeus's 9 daughters were his "muses"? In Zeus's case (to take two daughters for example), Euterpe was the inspiration of lyric poetry, Urania was the inspiration of astronomy. In Lleyton's case, is Mia the inspiration for French Open glory? Perhaps this is Hewitt's intention, to have 9 daughters (like Zeus) did, each one of them serving as a muse for success at separate tournaments. In that case to complete a grand slam he would only need to procreate a further 2 times (not including this latest development). This is possible, but a big ask on Bec Hewitt. However if she is a real Aussie, she'll do it.
Apologies to Lleyton for the rant, but SportingMind is starving, salivating for bona-fide tennis success. The barren tennis trophy cabinet sitting at Tennis H.Q under the watchful eye of the moustachioed "Newk" has been collecting dust ever since Pat Rafter retired. Can i be blamed for imploring victory?
Don't even know if Lleyton is still in the tournament or not at Wimbledon, in fact haven't even checked. Of course Lleyton can be congratulated for again bcoming a father, which is rapidly promoting his image as a family man ahead of his previous image - that of an angry teenager with a dirty pony-tail. But Lleyton needs to do a lot more than impregnate his lover the way Zeus once did, because little offspring don't breed success.
Bring back Kimmmmmy Clijsters. Who'd have thought i'd be saying that? You won't find her on the cover of Women's Weekly.
-SportingMind
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