akd545
NormEnduring Brain Explosions in Sport
February 10th 2009 07:14
The one enduring memory of last year's AFL season is, without doubt, the fabulous left hook performed by Barry Hall upon Brent Staker. Unfortunately, Hall's crushing blow forced Staker from the field and earned the Swans forward a lengthy suspension. For some, the act was deemed abhorrent; whereas for others, including SportingMind, it was a feast for the senses. A split-second felony that one could not help but admire; one could almost, dare I say it, be aroused by such a flawless act. The footage belongs not in the forgotten archives of misdemeanours in football, but perhaps in the Museum of Contemporary Art, down by Sydney's Circular Quay.
Alas, such moments in sport happen rarely these days; our sports stars are becoming embarassingly white-bread. I do not refer to those well publicised off-field antics, for such events are plentiful. But it is the players, and often fans, who are willing to do implausibly stupid things on the field - these are the ones we must pay homage to.
1. Monica Seles v Magdalena Maleeva, Hamburg, 1993.
This will be remembered as the infamous "stabbing" incident in which a crazed German fan of Steffi Graf's, Gunter Parche, leapt the fence and knifed the tennis star in the back. Unfortunately, Seles was cast as the victim in this episode when in all reality it was her covert actions that led to the incident. Seles, now a naturalised US citizen since 1995, was playing at the time for her native Yugoslavia. Yet, she was in cahoots with the US government from as early as the mid 1980s, plotting with high powered US officials about how best to defeat communism in Eastern Europe. After all, how convenient was it that she would defect to the US in 1995? Seles was a big advocate of a market economy and pushed for radical economic shock therapy throughout Eastern Europe. With this in mind, Parche leapt to his feet in an attempt to kill whom he perceived to be the major advocate of liberal economics and a free market; although, of course, the major irony being that Germany has thrived as a market economy.
2. Gorden Tallis v Bill Harrigan, State of Origin, 2001.
This moment, in which Tallis tactfully questioned referee Bill Harrigan's integrity by prefixing the word "cheat" with a lil' bit of ghetto slang, deserves to be mentioned in this SportingMind list of great on-field moments. Like all great incidents, it was brilliantly swept under the carpet and forgotten within a week.
3. SportingMind, Sydney University 2nd Grade Rugby League vs State Rail, 2005.
This brusing encounter was memorable for one particular incident that was completely out of character for SportingMind. Late in the game (as this is often when incidents happen), a whistle was blown as a State Rail player approached the Sydney University defensive line. Not known for his huge hits, the Sydney University five-eighth, known as SportingMind, conducted a form of tackle not dissimilar to Watkin Tench's written descriptions of native Aboriginal spear-throwers. Unfortunately, everyone in the game bar the Sydney Uni five-eighth had realised the whistle had gone, and as the opponent surrendered to the whistle, SportingMind aggressively threw his adversary to the ground in what was a display of pure, unadulterated primal instinct.
Embarrassment ensued, as did plenty of abuse and threats towards the haughty league player-cum-sports writer; yet, the example serves as a great unscripted moment in sport. What a player that SportingMind was. He could have been anything. I guess that, like Barry Hall's incident, it was one of those spontaneous moments where, to use a tired cliche, all the stars align. The timing, my opponent's face, my own inner demons, the rock-hard field; simply showing that if you add these elements to my own inherent perpetual motion, there's just no stopping something or someone of that calibre.
4. Curtly Ambrose v Dean Jones, ODI, early 90s.
Commonly known as the "sweatband" incident, this is where Deano told Curtly to take his sweatbands off because they were preventing him from seeing the white ball clearly. Of course, this aggravated Curtly Ambrose greatly, sparking a barrage of short pitched bowling. Deano then went on to ask Windies captain Richie Richardson if it was at all possible if Curtly could shut his eyes while he bowled, as the whites of his eyes were too bright to be picking up the ball under lights. A farcical incident ensued, as the Windies were forced to complete the rest of the innings with their eyes closed, not to mention sans sweatbands, making for a rather hilarious situation where eleven heavily perspiring West Indians were playing an international one-dayer with their eyes closed.
Even so, they went on to win the game by 53 runs.
Alas, such moments in sport happen rarely these days; our sports stars are becoming embarassingly white-bread. I do not refer to those well publicised off-field antics, for such events are plentiful. But it is the players, and often fans, who are willing to do implausibly stupid things on the field - these are the ones we must pay homage to.
1. Monica Seles v Magdalena Maleeva, Hamburg, 1993.
This will be remembered as the infamous "stabbing" incident in which a crazed German fan of Steffi Graf's, Gunter Parche, leapt the fence and knifed the tennis star in the back. Unfortunately, Seles was cast as the victim in this episode when in all reality it was her covert actions that led to the incident. Seles, now a naturalised US citizen since 1995, was playing at the time for her native Yugoslavia. Yet, she was in cahoots with the US government from as early as the mid 1980s, plotting with high powered US officials about how best to defeat communism in Eastern Europe. After all, how convenient was it that she would defect to the US in 1995? Seles was a big advocate of a market economy and pushed for radical economic shock therapy throughout Eastern Europe. With this in mind, Parche leapt to his feet in an attempt to kill whom he perceived to be the major advocate of liberal economics and a free market; although, of course, the major irony being that Germany has thrived as a market economy.
2. Gorden Tallis v Bill Harrigan, State of Origin, 2001.
This moment, in which Tallis tactfully questioned referee Bill Harrigan's integrity by prefixing the word "cheat" with a lil' bit of ghetto slang, deserves to be mentioned in this SportingMind list of great on-field moments. Like all great incidents, it was brilliantly swept under the carpet and forgotten within a week.
3. SportingMind, Sydney University 2nd Grade Rugby League vs State Rail, 2005.
This brusing encounter was memorable for one particular incident that was completely out of character for SportingMind. Late in the game (as this is often when incidents happen), a whistle was blown as a State Rail player approached the Sydney University defensive line. Not known for his huge hits, the Sydney University five-eighth, known as SportingMind, conducted a form of tackle not dissimilar to Watkin Tench's written descriptions of native Aboriginal spear-throwers. Unfortunately, everyone in the game bar the Sydney Uni five-eighth had realised the whistle had gone, and as the opponent surrendered to the whistle, SportingMind aggressively threw his adversary to the ground in what was a display of pure, unadulterated primal instinct.
Embarrassment ensued, as did plenty of abuse and threats towards the haughty league player-cum-sports writer; yet, the example serves as a great unscripted moment in sport. What a player that SportingMind was. He could have been anything. I guess that, like Barry Hall's incident, it was one of those spontaneous moments where, to use a tired cliche, all the stars align. The timing, my opponent's face, my own inner demons, the rock-hard field; simply showing that if you add these elements to my own inherent perpetual motion, there's just no stopping something or someone of that calibre.
4. Curtly Ambrose v Dean Jones, ODI, early 90s.
Commonly known as the "sweatband" incident, this is where Deano told Curtly to take his sweatbands off because they were preventing him from seeing the white ball clearly. Of course, this aggravated Curtly Ambrose greatly, sparking a barrage of short pitched bowling. Deano then went on to ask Windies captain Richie Richardson if it was at all possible if Curtly could shut his eyes while he bowled, as the whites of his eyes were too bright to be picking up the ball under lights. A farcical incident ensued, as the Windies were forced to complete the rest of the innings with their eyes closed, not to mention sans sweatbands, making for a rather hilarious situation where eleven heavily perspiring West Indians were playing an international one-dayer with their eyes closed.
Even so, they went on to win the game by 53 runs.
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Comment by The joke's on them
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
You can just call me Wally.
Comment by David Edwards
Even so, sometimes I run the gauntlet and have a massive, drug-fueled night before writing my posts. So far, I haven't been caught by the Orble drug-testers.