Mark Planamente
NormEgad! It's Tomic and Warner..
January 21st 2009 04:04
Is there a game of cricket on today? Egad! I wouldn't have the foggiest of clues; so entrenched I am in the veritable cocoon that is the Australian Open. The (A)Tomic bomb is set to detonate on Court 39 against the Luxembourgeian Gilles Muller, and lord knows I'm aboard this unroadworthy bandwagon! Muller, who can neither bowl, throw, nor hit, will feel the wrath of our latest "great white hope". Tomic, who, like all great white anythings, is complete with endearing foilbles and intricacies, ranging from his Damir-ish father to his gangly, ever lengthening physique. It is nigh time for another Aussie, complete with Slavic charm, to rise up the ranks of Australian tennis.
Almost as worrying as SportingMind's usage of the word Egad, for which I blame Jack Kerouac, is the decision to use David Warner as an opening batsman in the 50-over format. As we all are aware, the horse-for-courses policy should always be applied as rigidly as possible, wherever possible. David Warner must only play in the following circumstances: flat, belter of a wicket; solely in T20 matches; short square boundaries; sunny, unoppressive weather conditions. We must, as cricket fans, endeavour to pigeon-hole each player down to the minutest of niches, to the point where said players are questioning their worth and versatility to cross "formats". For example, if the wicket was incredibly slow, the opposition consisted of eleven pot-bellied pensioners, and the umpires were non-existent; I would play Andrew MacDonald. Clearly, he would shine in this environment.
Good god, one last thing before I hand my well-earned over to the surly internet cafe licencee. Bryce McGain has reportedly stated he is available for the South African tour next month; in essence placing the onus on the selection panel, led by the erstwhile stand-up comedian Andrew Hilditch. We may indeed see a bowl-off between Krejza, Hauritz and "no-pain" McGain, with the smart money being on the introverted Hauritz.
Bryce is apparently happy with the way the ball is coming out (an obligatory cliche in this day and age), and has remained supportive of the ball through this difficult period. It must be tough, as a 156 gram Kookaburra cricket ball, to reveal your sexuality on someone else's terms.
In all seriousness though, I think all of Australia wants Bryce to do well. It's a little bit of a reminder that we can all do what we want, that it's never too late to achieve your dreams. Bryce McGain could indeed be one of our oldest test-cricketers, a lovely addition to his current title: Australia's oldest IT worker.
Must go,
-SportingMind
Almost as worrying as SportingMind's usage of the word Egad, for which I blame Jack Kerouac, is the decision to use David Warner as an opening batsman in the 50-over format. As we all are aware, the horse-for-courses policy should always be applied as rigidly as possible, wherever possible. David Warner must only play in the following circumstances: flat, belter of a wicket; solely in T20 matches; short square boundaries; sunny, unoppressive weather conditions. We must, as cricket fans, endeavour to pigeon-hole each player down to the minutest of niches, to the point where said players are questioning their worth and versatility to cross "formats". For example, if the wicket was incredibly slow, the opposition consisted of eleven pot-bellied pensioners, and the umpires were non-existent; I would play Andrew MacDonald. Clearly, he would shine in this environment.
Good god, one last thing before I hand my well-earned over to the surly internet cafe licencee. Bryce McGain has reportedly stated he is available for the South African tour next month; in essence placing the onus on the selection panel, led by the erstwhile stand-up comedian Andrew Hilditch. We may indeed see a bowl-off between Krejza, Hauritz and "no-pain" McGain, with the smart money being on the introverted Hauritz.
Bryce is apparently happy with the way the ball is coming out (an obligatory cliche in this day and age), and has remained supportive of the ball through this difficult period. It must be tough, as a 156 gram Kookaburra cricket ball, to reveal your sexuality on someone else's terms.
In all seriousness though, I think all of Australia wants Bryce to do well. It's a little bit of a reminder that we can all do what we want, that it's never too late to achieve your dreams. Bryce McGain could indeed be one of our oldest test-cricketers, a lovely addition to his current title: Australia's oldest IT worker.
Must go,
-SportingMind
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
If Bryce McGain ever sees you in the street: run! Or at least walk a bit faster.
I bet you didn't know he started life as one of the Brady children. The youngest one in curls.
Here's a story: Slavic Youths Go Clubbing For Girls.
In this day and age...
Comment by David Edwards
Tomic and Warner are like Camembert cheese and Chenin Blanc. A delightful combination, best consumed when at their most youthful. McGain is, in so many ways, just like a Penfolds Grange Hermitage 1973. Both in their fourth decade of life; both full-bodied and with a terrific nose; both retailing at $7,599.88 per dozen.
Comment by David Edwards
Comment by Unadulterated
Strength to strength here Dave-a. Great read.