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Back with a Vengance: SportingMind 2009

January 11th 2009 07:25
Dear readers,

Wishing all of you a wonderful Year of the Ox, 2009. May you all enjoy a strong, sturdy year, in which the metaphorical cargo that you haul is not too big a burden.

I sincerely hope all of you have missed me as much as I have missed you. And by "you", I refer to the collective readership, the thousands of faceless individuals who log on each day for a little bit of SportingMind magic. Without you I would be nothing, for you provide me with an outlet for my off-beat diatribes and soliloquies.

I'm sure many of you have wondered whether I would indeed return to the Orble scene, as many media reports have suggested otherwise. Certainly, I have better things to do than write a couple of self-indulgent faux-articles laced with satire, you would think?


SportingMind has reluctantly agreed to a one-year contract with Orble, after months of speculation whether the haughty sports writer would labour on for another season.

The press release goes on to mention how I knocked back a five-year deal, reportedly worth a cool two million dollars. As all of you sport afficionados would know, signing a lengthy contract only locks you in, depriving you of flexibility and freedom to shop around for other clubs/blog providers.

That recent test series was something to behold; something which may never be repeated. The South African cricket team showed that they are a serious force in world cricket, with Graeme Smith's courage reminiscent of an ageing John Sattler, Lance Armstrong, or perhaps, a modern day Oprah Winfrey coming clean about her fluctuating weight. Whatever it was, it was real guts personified, to use a crass term that possibly doesn't have the same effect in print-form that it does when spat out by an enraged Phil Gould.


SportingMind will serve up a sizzling spread of sporting sensationalism this summer and beyond, whilst pledging to offend those who deserve offence - and to defend those who require defence.

This post will be short and sweet, as I currently am sitting in an internet cafe on Flinders Street, Melbourne. SportingMind has permanently relocated to Melbourne, ending a year's worth of Sydney-skewed journalism and general bias. I aim to touch on the cultural differences between the two major cities, in the field of sport. Some may like it, many may hate it. I've always maintained that I am like a young Dean Jones - if Dean Jones ever wrote sportingblogs. Good for a quickfire 50, mouthy, opinionated, a polarising character. A Victorian.


-SportingMind
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7 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Chris Champion

January 11th 2009 10:15

Comment by Norm

January 12th 2009 00:01
What most people don't know about Dean Jones is that he lost 7 kilos while batting in India. Luckily, Customs returned them to him and he and David "Mokbel" Boon were able to continue their mutually beneficial partnership.

Welcome to Mecca.


Comment by David Edwards

January 12th 2009 23:31
When Deano reached 100 at Madras, he began to feel a tremendous bout of stomach cramp, brought on by his work as a heroin mule. The seven kilos of heroin that he ingested - a modern day homage to the beer drinking record once held by Rod Marsh - was eventually massaged out of him by the greasy physio, Errol Alcott. AB said to Deano, who by this point was convulsing in the change-rooms whilst not-out at tea, "If you won't come back out, we'll get a real bloke out here. A Queenslander!" As it turned out, Schappelle Corby wasn't required to bat, and Deano went on to notch up a brilliantly courageous 200.

Great to be here.

Comment by damian

January 20th 2009 05:15
Dave,
good to see you've returned bigger and better in 2009, the year of the ox - a year in which the infamous footage of David 'the ox' Schwartz's 'pieing' of Sam Newman on The Footy Show will be forever at the forefront of my mind!

Rest assured too, that eventually Melbourne will accept you as one of it's own, and there will be banners proudly displayed at the cricket years after you have finished blogging, imploring ''bring back SportingMind''.

However, to complete your pilgramige, you must walk seven times anti-clockwise around the MCG.

Comment by David Edwards

January 22nd 2009 00:15
I look forward to learning each and every one of the various 'nicknames' of Melbourne AFL players. I'm sure every animal species has already been exhausted, though. The truth in this is that there are six players in the Carlton team nicknamed "Chook".

I think I will always remain a Sydney-sider trapped in a Melbourne environment. For one, I have several qualms with using 'guernsey' as a word substitute for 'jersey'.

However, I am looking foward to actually understanding Paul Kelly's songs, now that I am learning the geography of Melbourne. You gotta love a guy who can write a song simply by pulling out his latest edition of Melways and reciting street names.

Seven times anti-clockwise around the MCG? I guess that, in my retirement, I will be treated to seven laps (clockwise) in a drop-top convertible, the obligatory three children in the backseat, waving tearfully to 100,000 maniacal Victorians. That is how it should be, for any retiree.

Comment by damian

January 22nd 2009 09:29
I believe it's a type of cow, and is in fact the name of the Indian cricket team's mascot. Funnily enough, you don't see to many effigies of Jersey being burnt when it performs poorly in this bovine-loving country.

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