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NormAfghanistan: Winners of the Homeless Soccer World Cup
December 7th 2008 23:59
The true meaning of sport was never as well-defined as it was yesterday, as Afghanistan warmed even the coldest of hearts in claiming the Homeless Soccer World Cup. Accounting for Russia, 5-4, the Afghan supporters, ironically, lined the streets, in celebration of their finest national moment since their discovery of opium poppies.
Russia should be congratulated for their second placing. Only recently has Russia bcome a democratic country, and even that is a debatable fact. The privatisation of state-owned enterprises resulted in a huge disparity between rich and poor, not to mention a massive financial collapse in 1998 that left many homeless. It must be said, though, that it helps to have financial turmoil and an alcoholic masquerading as a President for several years in the mid 90s, not to mention a Constitution flimsier than Gordon Wood's defence claim. Pity that we, as Australians, have had to endure years of economic prosperity and a rigid Constitution, for it has seriously dented our chances at Homeless World Cup glory.
Australia, in contrast, could only muster a measly sixth position, falling at the hands of South Africa, 9-1. Quite simply, this is not good enough. SportingMind is of the belief that all "Big Issue Magazine" revenue generated should go directly to Football Federation Australia, who will attempt to mould footballers out of these dishevelled men. Next time a guy asks you for a dollar, don't give it to him. Instead, offer him a pointer on how to "nutmeg" an opponent, or a crash course on dribbling. Be sure to clarify which type of dribbling you are referring to, as he may already be quite proficient at one form of the art.
SportingMind does not mean to trivialise the homeless situation, for I am well aware that the rate of homelessness is ascending, if anything. But we must look at the positives. The current economic crisis could be the best thing for homeless football in Australia, offering a voluminous pool to choose our players from. Many of the homeless people that are on the streets at the moment have been there since the 80s. It's time for a new breed of homeless footballer; a 21st Century homeless footballer. It's time for a clear out of the old guard, just like any AFL club would tell you. Sure, Kevin Sheedy presided over what can only be described as a dynasty, but if you hold onto the old for too long then it becomes stale - crusty, if you will. These new homeless footballers have probably - at one point in their lives - owned cable television. They have probably watched the A-League (god forbid) and the English Premier League. They know how the game has advanced and they have the skills to move us forward in the world rankings. Let's make some wholesale changes to the current squad, because it stinks.
Some say, rather loosely, that sport is a religion in some countries. God, if Graham Williams had a dollar for everytime someone said that, he wouldn't be pestering you for money for a train ticket, would he? Hell, wouldn't the world be a better place if it (sport) actually was a religion? Instead of hearing those ominous words, "Allah Akbar" shouted before an act of terrorism, we could hear something along the lines of "Allah Imran Khan" (loosely translated as "God is Imran Khan"). In fact killing in the name of national sporting identities could provoke an even fiercer version of nationalism/parochialism. Grainy images broadcast on Al-Jazeera TV, featuring Osama Bin Laden in an Arsenal jersey, threatening to blow up the new Emirates Stadium if the team doesn't immediately relocate back to Highbury. Beside him is a shaved and trembling Cesc Fabregas, pleading for authorities to comply with the crazy Gunners fanatic..
Until yesterday, "sport" was a clearly defined term: "Physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively." As of today it assumes a new definition: "A life affirming and theatrical activity, often vaudevillian in nature, that provides hope and inspiration to spectators and participants."
Sport has become a metaphor for opportunity. The Homeless World Cup has opened our eyes to the fact that homeless people have the skill and dexterity of home-owners, the desire to prove themselves against competition, and the pride to play on a team of similarly disenfranchised players - for each other. Ergo, the Homeless World Cup has achieved its goal. I applaud the organisers and I take my hat off to the winners, Afghanistan.
-SportingMind
And back home, Kabul civilians spilled out onto the "streets" to celebrate..
Russia should be congratulated for their second placing. Only recently has Russia bcome a democratic country, and even that is a debatable fact. The privatisation of state-owned enterprises resulted in a huge disparity between rich and poor, not to mention a massive financial collapse in 1998 that left many homeless. It must be said, though, that it helps to have financial turmoil and an alcoholic masquerading as a President for several years in the mid 90s, not to mention a Constitution flimsier than Gordon Wood's defence claim. Pity that we, as Australians, have had to endure years of economic prosperity and a rigid Constitution, for it has seriously dented our chances at Homeless World Cup glory.
A visionary: Yeltsin saw the potential for World Cup domination and took action...
Australia, in contrast, could only muster a measly sixth position, falling at the hands of South Africa, 9-1. Quite simply, this is not good enough. SportingMind is of the belief that all "Big Issue Magazine" revenue generated should go directly to Football Federation Australia, who will attempt to mould footballers out of these dishevelled men. Next time a guy asks you for a dollar, don't give it to him. Instead, offer him a pointer on how to "nutmeg" an opponent, or a crash course on dribbling. Be sure to clarify which type of dribbling you are referring to, as he may already be quite proficient at one form of the art.
SportingMind does not mean to trivialise the homeless situation, for I am well aware that the rate of homelessness is ascending, if anything. But we must look at the positives. The current economic crisis could be the best thing for homeless football in Australia, offering a voluminous pool to choose our players from. Many of the homeless people that are on the streets at the moment have been there since the 80s. It's time for a new breed of homeless footballer; a 21st Century homeless footballer. It's time for a clear out of the old guard, just like any AFL club would tell you. Sure, Kevin Sheedy presided over what can only be described as a dynasty, but if you hold onto the old for too long then it becomes stale - crusty, if you will. These new homeless footballers have probably - at one point in their lives - owned cable television. They have probably watched the A-League (god forbid) and the English Premier League. They know how the game has advanced and they have the skills to move us forward in the world rankings. Let's make some wholesale changes to the current squad, because it stinks.
The new breed of homeless footballer.
Some say, rather loosely, that sport is a religion in some countries. God, if Graham Williams had a dollar for everytime someone said that, he wouldn't be pestering you for money for a train ticket, would he? Hell, wouldn't the world be a better place if it (sport) actually was a religion? Instead of hearing those ominous words, "Allah Akbar" shouted before an act of terrorism, we could hear something along the lines of "Allah Imran Khan" (loosely translated as "God is Imran Khan"). In fact killing in the name of national sporting identities could provoke an even fiercer version of nationalism/parochialism. Grainy images broadcast on Al-Jazeera TV, featuring Osama Bin Laden in an Arsenal jersey, threatening to blow up the new Emirates Stadium if the team doesn't immediately relocate back to Highbury. Beside him is a shaved and trembling Cesc Fabregas, pleading for authorities to comply with the crazy Gunners fanatic..
"Allah Imran Khan!!"
Until yesterday, "sport" was a clearly defined term: "Physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively." As of today it assumes a new definition: "A life affirming and theatrical activity, often vaudevillian in nature, that provides hope and inspiration to spectators and participants."
Sport has become a metaphor for opportunity. The Homeless World Cup has opened our eyes to the fact that homeless people have the skill and dexterity of home-owners, the desire to prove themselves against competition, and the pride to play on a team of similarly disenfranchised players - for each other. Ergo, the Homeless World Cup has achieved its goal. I applaud the organisers and I take my hat off to the winners, Afghanistan.
-SportingMind
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Comment by James Rickard
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Comment by Norm
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I love this:
One point, how do teams decide who'll win the toss? They better have that coin on a string. The ball too. It might also go missing.
Flying over this post.
Comment by David Edwards
The World Cup has, unfortunately, given way to opportunistic companies, who have offered sponsorship deals to certain players. One homeless man, Pete Ashworth, was offered a lucrative deal with Jim Beam. Another player was invited to the opening of a new park bench in Melbourne.
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Comment by David Edwards
I've heard that the Gypsy people in Roma are a major threat to bring home the trophy next year. Nomadic people such as gypsies are technically homeless, and the same could be said of many Aboriginal tribes, if we abide by the infallible doctrine of Terra Nullius.
I think that, in the interests of sporting glory, we should ackowledge that Howard's scrapping of the permit system was a good idea. It means that talent scouts can get into Aboriginal heartland and train them up to win us gold in 2009. That would be an intervention i'd be proud of.
Inadvertently, John Howard has given hope for Australia in the HWC 2009. A visionary, like Yeltsin was when he created a wealth divide.
Comment by damian
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Comment by David Edwards
Sure, football is a universal sport that transcends class, but what about the Homeless Polo World Cup, Equestrian Homeless World Cup, or Yacht racing? I think the Afghans might give that last one a real shake, given their propensity for hopping in boats and attempting to claim seek asylum.
Therefore i propose the ultimate Homeless sport: Boat people racing. The challenge is to leave your port - illegally, of course - and seek asylum in the country of your choice. Results will be timed, with the prize being citizenship in the country you sail to. Obstacles will come in the way of Norweigan vessels, banishment to Nauru, irate xenophobic governments and their spin doctoring, but that's just part of the game!