Mark Planamente
NormSportingMind's Pet Hates and Loves
March 29th 2009 12:14
Acutely aware that the "list" post is the blogospheric equivalent to that of a TV Christmas-special episode, I'll avoid the sugar coating and come clean with it: I'm doing this to keep the fans happy. You wanted it, I'm giving it to you. My spleen, proverbially vented for your benefit, on a platter.
Things I hate:
1. (Other) Sports writers that refer to themselves in the third person. Yes, I'm looking at you, Peter Fitzsimons.
2. Having to perform a Beaconsfield-esque search for cricket news in the Herald Sun sports pages. For that matter, one must also search as vehemently for world news and any sentence that doesn't contain the subject "Ben Cousins", with a predicate consisting of his mundane daily activity.
3. That fact that I am more aware of Nick Riewoldt's latest knee problem that I am of the escalating political situation in Pakistan. Given that I am particularly well versed in post-Musharaf Pakistani politics, this is of some concern.
4. The condescending manner in which Melbourne newspapers cater for non-AFL fans by putting a small rugby league feature article in several pages from the back (ominously close to the obituary section) so as to placate insatiable expats wanting their league fill. Is there not a consumer watchdog that deals with this?
5. The backlash against Bryce MacGain. He couldn't have bowled that poorly, could he?
6. People that think motor racing is sport. Personally, nothing kills my spirit more than clicking on the TV and finding there is nothing on but five hours of Bill Woods and some ubiquitous ponce with a British accent.
7. Watching Sports Tonight on a Sunday afternoon. A painful reminder that the weekend is over.
8. Not having enough time, energy, readership, motivation or, indeed, sporting knowledge, to write on this website more than intermittently.
Things I love:
1. The forcefulness in which AFL goal umpires execute their signals.
2. The arbitrary nature in which rugby union referees award tries. A quick peek towards the bottom of a 16-man pile-up: TRY.
3. When cricket cameramen linger on a (generally female) spectator for a split-second too long; long enough for them to point at the big screen but not long enough for them to enjoy it for more than said split-second.
4. The disrespectful way in which cricketers (or all sportsmen, for that manner) lie on the ground during a post-match presentation. They just don't care what some spokesperson from the company that bankrolled the competition has to say, and they demonstrate that lack of respect quite poetically.
5. Having drunken conversations with high profile sportsmen.
6. The way A.F.L. players can run outside the boundary line but hold the ball "in the field of play". It just looks funny and childish.
7. Watching lawn bowls on ABC TV whilst hungover on a Saturday arvo.
8. The half-time music montages on ABC TV club rugby. In addition to this, the sound of Toby Lawson's voice.
9. The appalling audio that ABC netball coverage seems to have. Each girlish squeal reverberates through my eardrums, but it is this I love.
10. Being cynical about sport to the point of frustration, but seeking to intellectualise it beyond its means.
-SportingMind
Things I hate:
1. (Other) Sports writers that refer to themselves in the third person. Yes, I'm looking at you, Peter Fitzsimons.
2. Having to perform a Beaconsfield-esque search for cricket news in the Herald Sun sports pages. For that matter, one must also search as vehemently for world news and any sentence that doesn't contain the subject "Ben Cousins", with a predicate consisting of his mundane daily activity.
3. That fact that I am more aware of Nick Riewoldt's latest knee problem that I am of the escalating political situation in Pakistan. Given that I am particularly well versed in post-Musharaf Pakistani politics, this is of some concern.
4. The condescending manner in which Melbourne newspapers cater for non-AFL fans by putting a small rugby league feature article in several pages from the back (ominously close to the obituary section) so as to placate insatiable expats wanting their league fill. Is there not a consumer watchdog that deals with this?
5. The backlash against Bryce MacGain. He couldn't have bowled that poorly, could he?
6. People that think motor racing is sport. Personally, nothing kills my spirit more than clicking on the TV and finding there is nothing on but five hours of Bill Woods and some ubiquitous ponce with a British accent.
7. Watching Sports Tonight on a Sunday afternoon. A painful reminder that the weekend is over.
8. Not having enough time, energy, readership, motivation or, indeed, sporting knowledge, to write on this website more than intermittently.
Things I love:
1. The forcefulness in which AFL goal umpires execute their signals.
2. The arbitrary nature in which rugby union referees award tries. A quick peek towards the bottom of a 16-man pile-up: TRY.
3. When cricket cameramen linger on a (generally female) spectator for a split-second too long; long enough for them to point at the big screen but not long enough for them to enjoy it for more than said split-second.
4. The disrespectful way in which cricketers (or all sportsmen, for that manner) lie on the ground during a post-match presentation. They just don't care what some spokesperson from the company that bankrolled the competition has to say, and they demonstrate that lack of respect quite poetically.
5. Having drunken conversations with high profile sportsmen.
6. The way A.F.L. players can run outside the boundary line but hold the ball "in the field of play". It just looks funny and childish.
7. Watching lawn bowls on ABC TV whilst hungover on a Saturday arvo.
8. The half-time music montages on ABC TV club rugby. In addition to this, the sound of Toby Lawson's voice.
9. The appalling audio that ABC netball coverage seems to have. Each girlish squeal reverberates through my eardrums, but it is this I love.
10. Being cynical about sport to the point of frustration, but seeking to intellectualise it beyond its means.
-SportingMind
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